One of the reasons I wrote the “Logical” post is a conversation I had with a co worker a couple of weeks ago. We both believe in God but he is a religious fanatic. He believes in the Bible literally as it is written word for word, while I believe it is meant to be a guide and not to be taken literally. This is the number one problem separating Christians and the reason there are so many different Christian organizations and churches. We cannot agree whether the Bible is written by God or man.

Anyway, for some stupidly retarded reason we started talking about Creationism versus Evolution and he gave me his Creationist theories and why the schools should teach both theories. Creationism has now morphed into Intelligent Design because it sounds better to the legislatures. The legislatures are a pain in the Creationists’ ass because they are supposed to uphold a document called the Constitution which requires the separation of Church and state. While it is inconvenient for Creationists, it is necessary to the rest of the American citizens if we are to remain a free society.

I am staring at this friend of mine with my chin on the ground as he is deep into his Creationist diatribe; and I am thinking, he is very intelligent, well spoken, well educated (masters degree) man but his logical skills are non existent. Anybody that could dismiss all scientific evidence and in this century can still believe the earth was created in six days is possibly insane; insane meaning, on par with someone believing the Earth is flat.

I never asked him if he thinks the Earth is still flat because I am scared of the possible reply. I never asked him how the Grand Canyon was carved out in only 6,000 years because I did not want to hear my (supposedly) intelligent friend's de-rationalization of proven scientific data and replace them with his own concocted theories.

I believe that science will eventually prove the existence of a Creator but it will probably not be like anything we have imagined. So these religious fundamentalists will probably crawl back into their caves still believing the Earth was magically morphed into existence and that man rode on the backs of dinosaurs.

My faith is strong but I do not have to accept every word in the Bible as flowing from the mouth of God to be a good Christian. My beliefs make me a stronger Christian because I seek the ultimate truth. Mindless Faith is not what will take religion to the level needed in our society but educated minds striving to discover the true God will take religion where it needs to go. I think the fundamentalists fear what we will find. They fear it will be a little different from what is written in the Bible and they cannot handle that.

• Is it possible that Christ existed and preached the true Word but man lost the true meaning of His words throughout the years? I think it is.

• Is it possible throughout the years of retelling these stories (long before they were written) man screwed up and misquoted Jesus? I think it is.

• It is possible some of the Old Testament like Revelations are just the dreams of a man and mean nothing? I think it is possible.

Just because I ask these questions does not mean I do not believe in Christ, it just means I do not believe man got it right. Man was the one who screwed up NOT God.

I have Faith but I was also given a brain by God. Failure to use my brain would be a sin worse than believing in Aesop’s Fables as the word of God.

This interesting device could offer women protection against rape. It is a condom inserted into the vagina. If a man attempts entry without permission, hooks ensnare the penis causing tremendous pain. Great job!!

Tonight we are off to the Fabulous Fox Theater to see the Phantom of The Opera, my favorite play.

Have a great weekend!

Have you ever met somebody that is super-intelligent but they lacked any common sense so they were not very smart at all? Actually, I think common sense skills are closely tied to logical skills. I have been told by many people over the years that I am too logical. I disagree with their assessment because logical skills can be used to evaluate most situations and help you come to a realistic conclusion.

Logical skills can be used as a ring of truth to get through a liar’s multiple layers of lies. I had a good friend that was a habitual liar but I was always able to penetrate his shield of lies using logical evaluations of his answers. Let me give you an example of logic skills in action.

Example of illogical behavior number 1

It’s Monday and all you’ve got 50 bucks in your pocket to last you for the week. You travel to Best Buy and blow your $50 on a new memory card for your iPod. You now spend the rest of the week complaining to everyone around you about how broke you are and how hungry you are. This person might be able to get an “A” on a book test but they have no logic skills and, therefore, are not very intelligent.

A logical person thinks ahead and realizes they must eat to survive. They might even think, “I’ll have to wait on the memory card because I need money to eat this week.”

Example of illogical behavior number 2

You are a single, twenty-year old female with two small children. Tonight you have a date with Mr. X and you plan on having sex with no thought of birth control. A few weeks later you turn up pregnant. All the while you are complaining about how you have no food for your kids and you need welfare because you cannot look for a job because who will watch your kids. So now you expect society to support another baby’s daddy’s kid.

We must assume this woman is intelligent and she knows that unprotected sex is what got her in this position to begin with. But a logical woman can see the big picture and realizes a pattern and can stop it. The logical woman might also be able to stop the first baby’s daddy’s kid from being conceived.

Below are certain logical conclusions that many intelligent people cannot seem to grasp:

• A logical person realizes that unprotected sex leads to unwanted children and AIDS.
• A logical person realizes that the Flintstones are a cartoon and dinosaurs did not mingle with humans.
• A logical person realizes that if you yell at the big man in the bar your ass will be kicked.
• A logical person realizes that if you drive while talking on a cell phone you will eventually wreck.
• A logical person realizes that education is the key to success.
• A logical person realizes that if you allow illegal aliens to become citizens, you will create unprecedented social and economic troubles for the country.
• A logical person realizes that you have to speak English to advance in status in an English speaking society.
• A logical person realizes that it global warming is a potential threat to humanity, so taking action that could reverse the trend would be wise.
• A logical person realizes that eliminating gender specific pronouns from your vocabulary will not help anyone.
• A logical person realizes that if you piss uphill your feet will get wet.
• A logical person realizes that the earth was not created in seven days by an invisible man in the sky.
• A logical person realizes that if you outsource everybody there will be no money for them to buy your good and services.
• A logical person realizes that if you drive slowly in the fast lane you might be killed.
• A logical person realizes that fast in the slow lane you will be killed.
• A logical person realizes that if you grab a co-worker’s ass you will be fired.
• A logical person realizes that if you smoke you will get lung cancer.
• A logical person realizes that second hand smoke causes lung cancer.
• A logical person realizes that they cannot spend more than they earn.
I could go on forever but I’ll stop here.

Accusations

Fundamentalist Christian conservatives often complain that logic skills are nothing more than liberal propaganda. Are we to believe that the Earth was created in seven days or are we to use our brains to examine hard scientific evidence to determine it actually took billions and billions of years for this to happen? Certain people also believe scientific data is nothing but liberal propaganda. I don’t want to get into a discussion regarding creationism versus evolution; I just want to point out the power of logical reasoning skills and how fundamentalists cannot understand them.

Fundamentalist liberals also accuse logical skills for conservative propaganda. How else can you account for them wanting to pull the troops out of Iraq allowing the Middle East, a key economic and political power area, in the hands of fate? If we loose control of oil, we loose control of our economy. A person of logic can see this. And how can liberals think by eliminating “mom” and “dad” from school literature, they could help gay and single parents?

Fundamentalists whether they are extreme right or left, lack logical skills. This is how fundamentalist left wingers are able to justify removing gender from our society and fundamentalist right wingers are able to justify the earth being created in seven days. This is why I believe moderates are true intellectuals. They are able to see the both points and then use logical skills to reach a reasonable conclude based on facts and NOT based on emotional baggage or tradition.

Conclusion

Moderates are true mediators and can get to the truth easily. There is an inherent danger when a fundamentalist obtains a position as judge, president or any other position of power. They will be unable to evaluate both points because often even before they have heard the evidence they have already come to a conclusion.

This is why I hope the next President of The United States is either a liberal Republican or a conservative Democrat. Only then will we get a true intellectual capable of eliminating the divide and bringing us all together again. A fundamentalist from either side will only further fracture the American people.

The San Francisco Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) is suing AT&T for allowing the government unabated access to everyone’s personal confidential information. AT&T was one of the few ISP’s to buckle under government pressure and grant access to its voice and data networks to allow unwarranted federal snooping on American citizens. I know this sounds like something from the headlines of a Chinese newspaper but this is really the American government I am talking about.

In response to this lawsuit, AT&T initiated a disturbing new policy. The new policy says that AT&T -- not customers -- owns customers' confidential info and can use it "to protect its legitimate business interests, safeguard others, or respond to legal process."

Customers are required to agree to this policy to get service. This will limit the consumer’s ability to take any legal action against AT&T. This broad policy allows AT&T to disclose a customer’s private information without consent. American consumers should respond to this by cancelling all services with AT&T. Here is the article if you want to read all of it.

I don’t have a problem with AT&T responding to a judge’s order for surveillance but this unregulated snooping of American citizens must stop. This was the behavior I was referring to in my Big Brother post last week regarding the letter my employer received. I did post an update stating our letter was NOT a request to snoop but ensuring our equipment was compatible with their snooping system.

It seems the American public is accepting this behavior. I have not heard much opposition so I guess everybody has no problem with the government snooping on us without warrants. I have come to realize that unless an issue affects our pocketbooks it is usually ignored in our society.

This should be a bipartisan issue. Everybody should support the Constitution’s system of checks and balances and oppose this legislation or policy (or whatever you call it.)

Life contains risks but as we have learned throughout history, we cannot sacrifice freedom for safety. Safety issues came and go but once freedoms are lost, they are lost forever and can only be regained through blood.

How do you feel about this?

Being this blog is named Neutrality, I am in favor of all things neutral, but the Net Neutrality legislation proposed by big business and the ISPs is not neutral at all.

Net neutrality is a term used by ISP’s to give certain customers faster service. Certain customers like Microsoft, Google and Yahoo and the ISPs themselves, will get cheaper rates with faster speeds while the rest of the Internet community pays higher fees for slower access. This does not sound neutral to me.

How do these companies get faster speeds cheaper; I thought the faster speeds cost more? False. The larger companies including the ISPs will be able to negotiate cheaper rates with the government. This will completely stifle competition and transform the Internet into a Microsoft, Google and Yahoo monopoly, among other companies. All under a new government regulated umbrella.

The best way to safeguard an open Internet is to maintain the free and open competition that exists today. And not create a new government regulated socialized Internet. Net Neutrality is nothing more than special interest legislation dress up to sound less self serving.

Contrary to what these businesses say, there are no problems with the Internet. Net Neutrality is just an effort by big business to seize control, while allowing ISPs to charge outrageous rates to consumers.

Price regulation would stifle any economic incentive to innovate and invest in the private networks. Over time we would end up with a slower Internet but higher prices and taxes for consumers, fewer broadband choices, and slower broadband deployment to all Americans. It would also mean less privacy, as Net Neutrality would require government monitoring and surveillance.

So don’t be fooled by the big business lies regarding Net Neutrality. This is bad business for the American consumer.

The ultra-left has begun the elimination of any form of gender in our language. A school district in California is no longer using the nouns “mom” and “dad” because that discriminates against gay couples, legal guardians and single parents.

Actually this started a few years ago. Words like actress, stewardess and waitress have been eliminated for actor, flight attendant and server. Today, everybody is an actor regardless of gender. Why can’t we accept the fact we are men and women; we are NOT genderless creatures. Are people actually offended when a reference to gender is used with a pronoun? If they are then the problem is theirs and NOT ours.

I also heard the Presbyterian Church is changing The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit to a gender neutral trio. How would this work?

“To the Mighty Significant Other, the Produce of Its Loins and the Genderless Spirit, Amen.”

I am a supporter of gay rights and gay marriage but this is going too far. Toleration works both ways. Why do some people always have to be so extremely stupid about everything?

Chinese food is among my favorite. At least twice a week I lead a group of co workers to the local Chinese restaurant and we all love it. The price is right too, for less than 5 bucks you can stuff yourself. The only problem is if you have to use the restroom.

A Chinese restaurant restroom usually resembles something out of a third world country. The toilet is not bolted to the floor and is like riding a mechanical bull; if you move the wrong way it will buck you off. The water faucet only has one working lever, usually the cold water. The other one is ratcheted tight or just spins in circles.

Sometimes there are just two screwdrivers or a pieces of metal as handles; and when you turn the water on it usually jets all over your pants. Why can’t Chinese restaurants afford decent working water faucets? Also, good luck finding soap or towels to dry your hands.

I don’t know what that stuff is all over the faucets and I don’t want to know; that is why I use my foot to turn it on and off. They usually have some black or yellow crusty film on the faucets and everything else. I’ll bet these faucets were actually used by the Ming Dynasty and shipped directly from China.

Why are the floors always sticky? Do they use the same mop water or towel they used to wash the dishes with? These are things I try to ignore because if I don’t I would never be able to step foot in another Chinese restaurant. I know how I am going to die. My luck is going to run out and I will finally catch some disease living in the bathroom.

The fortune cookies are never practical either. Put something worthy of conversation in the cookies. Like, “You won’t win the lottery but your husband is banging his secretary, so you’ll clean up in alimony” or “You really should have taken a shower today”. Maybe one day my fortune cookie will say, “Clean up the frickin bathrooms”, in which case I’ll give it to the waitress.

Anyone else have these problems?

Hi I am Piggy, DarthImmortal’s master. I run his house and all of his affairs and as long as he continues to pet me I will allow him to stay in the house. I decided to write in his blog every week because I have a few things to get off my fur.

First of all, where in the hell does the little red light go? I chased that thing for almost twenty minutes last night and it just disappeared into thin air. The first thing I want you to do tonight is find this for me. I have looked everywhere.

Secondly, I am getting paranoid about the litter box. I poop and bury it and then it disappears. I don’t know what happens to it and maybe I am better off not knowing but it just scares me. I don’t want to dig down too far because I might fall into something. Just check it out for me

Finally, I would like to remind you about petting etiquette. If for any stupid reason you should stop petting me, if I bite and lick your hand that is a signal to resume the petting. Stupid humans!! They have to be well trained or else they are useless.

That is all for this week. Go back to whatever you do and don’t forget the Aquari-Yums. I prefer the tuna ones.

After yesterday’s negative post I wanted to write something more uplifting for Father’s Day. I realize not all men are bad but the information I learned earlier in the week threw me over the edge.

There are many good men in the world and I wanted to tell you about one of them. Not only is he my best friend but he is also my younger brother. It is impossible to be successful or happy in this life on your own. He is one of the reasons I am so lucky in this world. I am lucky because I am surrounded by some of the best people in this world and my brother leads the pack.

He is the patient and loving father of three bright kids. He is also a dedicated husband who does the big things and the little things to keep his wife happy. There are not a lot of REAL men in this world but my brother is a REAL man.

His job is very stressful but he continues on when he could easily walk away for a less stressful job, but his family’s happiness is more important to him. Now is that toughness or what? Most men would not do this for their family but he does. He also does not realize just how good of a father and husband he is. Let me tell you bro, you are the best!

He is also the best friend anyone could ever have and he has always been there for me. When we were kids we fought constantly but no one else could kick his ass except me. If anyone else picked on him they would have to answer to me. We emerged from childhood very close and have remained close.

About ten years ago I was down and out in the IT field but he was the one that picked me back up and got me on my feet again. If not for that act of kindness, who knows where I would be today.

Here is to you bro, you are my role model and my best friend. Happy Father’s Day.

I am serious about this. I am often embarrassed by my gender. I know there are some good men out there but on the whole men are a bunch of losers. I am sorry to say this but it’s true. What got me ranting about this? I heard two stories this week that forced my jaw to hit the floor.

First Story

While talking to a friend she told me her 35 year old sister is seeking a divorce from her 55 year old husband. Why? Well his 22 year old daughter from his first marriage recently moved in and the wife walked in on them having sex.

The wife noticed as soon as the daughter moved in she would walk around the house in very little clothing and the father would give her tons of attention. Not the good kind of attention but the weird kind of attention. He would rub his hands all over her body and she would giggle and lean into him.

At night while he watches television the daughter lies on the couch next to him wearing her underwear and he just rubs on her legs and ass for hours with a big hard on. Then when the wife leaves the house they have sex. As I said, the wife came home early from work and busted them screwing on the couch. When she confronted them they ganged up on her and kicked her ass. What a bunch of freaking hoosiers!!!

Second Story

When my younger brother was 16 he was dating this 14 year old girl. This girl was raised by a second generation welfare recipient that started getting pregnant by various men when she was also 14 years old.

I was concerned about him fooling around so I had “the talk” with him and told him if anything was to happen to wear a condom. Well the dumbass didn’t listen to me (or so I thought) and she turned up pregnant. That was almost ten years ago.

Well a recent DNA test found that my brother is NOT the father. After several other guys were tested without any positive match, they finally tested her father and he was the sperm donor. The father was already in jail for screwing the older sister and that was how they got his DNA.

Here is what happened 10 years ago. He screws his own daughter and she gets pregnant. To hide his involvement, he sends her over to bang my brother so my brother would take the fall. So now you have this guy in jail for screwing both of his biological daughters. What a sick mess this world has become!!

Observations

Many men today are absent fathers, and dead beat dads. Why? What is the problem with men taking responsibility for their actions?! The reason the family is in such disarray has nothing to do with gay marriage (as the conservatives would have you believe) it’s because men do not know how to put a rubber on their dick. And when they do get a woman pregnant they head for the hills to try and find different girl to stick it in again.

Fathers screwing their daughters...................fathers abandoning their kids.............These are the reasons I am embarrassed to be a man.

Here are a collection of memories from my high school years. In high school my favorite teacher was Mr. Jamieson. He taught accounting, and business. Back then I was a class clown but for some reason Mr. Jamieson liked me and the group I hung out with.

One time he let a couple of students from our class sneak out of school and bring Imo’s Pizza back right before lunch. We were the envy of the school when we all went down to the cafeteria with our pizza boxes. He also took us on a field trip to Anheuser-Busch that was awesome.

Every Friday during my senior year if I would do 5 minutes of stand-up, he would let the class have a study hall. So on Friday he would ask me if I had any new material with the whole class chanting, “Come one Jeff! Come on Jeff!” He would often test me by giving me an object and I would have to do something funny with it. I always succeeded and then we would have our study hall.

I actually flashed the French teacher my freshman year. She would barge into the men’s john between classes trying to catch smokers. Smoking was a $25 fine. I was finishing up at the stall and just turned around and kept it hanging. She was a hot teacher about 26 years old. Her eyes drifted down and then she turned beat red and just left. She used to talk about her sexual experiences during class. She was a fun teacher but all the girls hated her.

When the photographer came to school to shoot our senior yearbook all the teachers had to give the principal a list of student clubs they supervised. So he made up the Accounting Club, even though there never actually was an Accounting Club. But in my senior yearbook there is a picture of all of us in the Accounting Club.

During my senior year we played two pranks: one on the freshman class and one on Mr. Jamieson. For the freshman, one of my friends worked at a bait and tackle store so we got 3,000 crickets and turned them loose on the freshman floor. For Mr. Jamieson: he used to always say that one day, since I was so unpredictable, he would come to class and I would have the men’s stall door on his desk. So on the last day of class a couple of us tore off a stall door and had it waiting for him on his desk when he came to class.

The senior farewell dance was another opportunity for me to strike. We had a DJ on our gym stage. During Eddie Van Halen’s solo on “Beat It” I jumped on the stage and did a strip tease. As I got to my pants the principal crossed his arms and glared at me so I decided to stop there.

Also every Friday during the last month of school, we would unleash a stick bomb on the freshman floor but you could smell the stench everywhere.

I remember there was this guy that I could not stand but he sat right next to me in typing class. For some reason he thought we were best friends even though I hardly spoke to him and we never hung out. Well everyday I would find a way to sneak his pen without him noticing and throw it out the window. One day in homeroom we super glued his books together and to the desk. Don’t feel sorry for this guy. He was one of those idiots that thought he was better than everybody else and would spread rumors about having sex with all the girls just to ruin their reputation. He was one of the first official dumb asses I ever met.

There was also this chick that was mean to my friends and me. We had a dislike for one another, but I did not believe in hitting girls even though she would punch me and try to kick me in the balls. So I super glued a dildo to the hood of her car. It was hilarious when she drove home with this huge dildo flapping in the wind. Needless to say that ended the feud.

I actually only had only one fight my entire four years of high school and that was with Emery Futo. For those of you not from St. Louis, a few years after we graduated Emery Futo shot and killed his entire family while they slept. He was a bully that would pick on anybody that was smaller than him. So one day in class before the teacher arrived he was pushing on somebody and I had enough. So I ran over to him, punched him and pushed him down. He quickly jumped back to his feet and we starred at each other but he never punched back. Of course he threatened to kick my ass but never did.

Next memory rant wiull be the College years. That is when all the fun stuff started. I'll also try to dig up some old photos.

I was recently going through the “Next Blog” button on Blogspot and I ran into a vein of bloggers worried about the amount of unknown people visiting their blog. This is not the first time I read someone’s blog who was paranoid about this.

They actually labeled somebody that regularly visits their blog without leaving comments as a stalker. So they expect anyone browsing their page to leave a comment. This sounds ridiculous to me. I would guess that 90% of the readers to any particular blog never leave comments but I would not call them stalkers. How can you possibly stalk someone by simply reading their blog?

I get over 100 hits per week but only about 4 different people leave comments; this is probably normal. Are these other 96 people stalkers? NO!!

The whole purpose of publishing to a public page is for people to read your posts, right? If you are so concerned about strangers reading your writings then do not publish to a public forum. Why are they are so paranoid about strangers reading their writing and returning to read them everyday? And how in the hell can you be stalked in a public blog when you voluntarily put stuff there?

A stalker is someone who shows up at your house or calls you on the phone and knows you but you do not know them, it can be scary. Don’t belittle people who are actually stalked by comparing yourself to them because somebody reads your blog.

I can almost understand if you are get many anonymous comments that seem to come from the same person but just disable anonymous comments and be done with it. Likewise, I can almost understand if you get annoying emails from some unknown person, but then remove your email from publication and set a rule within your email client to move their email automatically into the deleted items and be done with it. Why all the fuss?

The only explanation I can possible fathom is these people are so narcissistic, they believe people would only read their stuff because they harbor some form of attraction to them. Unless you are putting naked pictures of yourself on your blog all people can do is read what you write.

Can somebody explain to me how these individuals can think somebody reading a blog be considered a stalker? I just cannot come up with anything.

UPDATE on Big Brother post:

I had a bad blogger day yesterday. Apparently I got my story wrong about the government snooping and I want to apologize for this and set the story straight.

I attended a meeting about this letter minutes before my vacation so my mind was not really on work at the time. But the letter informed us that we are subject the same CALEA regulations as a public phone company. The question was then raised as to what we would do IF we were asked to open ports to allowing this monitoring.

This letter is similar to what we received. This was sent to prepare us for the eventual “letter” in which we will be required to allow the snooping. So this letter did not ask us to open ports, it just stated that our phone switch must be CALEA compliant so we can be monitored in the future. So we had to inventory our phone switch and compare it to the list of compliant phone switches.

I was in a hurry to leave for vacation and apparently my mind was not in the meeting at all. In fact, I even left early to get a head start on traffic. It was not until I read the meeting notes today that I realized my error. I still cannot publish the original letter but the link to the one is very similar.

Here are some other links regarding this law:

http://www.fcc.gov/calea/
http://www.askcalea.net/faqs.html#14

Right before I went on vacation, the university I work for received the “letter” from the federal government. The “letter” is a request for us to open ports on our firewall so the government can snoop on our network connections and phone calls. They also want a description of our phone switch and details of our networking equipment. In all honesty this letter scares the hell out of me.

I have heard about these requests and vehemently opposed them but never really actually believed this was happening. Apparently businesses have been cooperating for quite a while now and universities must now also comply because a terrorist was caught using a campus phone someplace on the west coast to make phone calls unbeknownst to university officials.

I cannot believe any university or business would cooperate with this request. This goes against everything our Country stands for, and there is absolutely no legitimate excuse for this type of snooping to be accepted in our society; war or no war.

Why don’t we just install cameras with microphones in every home and every room in America? This way no one could do anything illegal without being caught. It would certainly make the country safer but the price would be your freedom. I would rather be dead than live in a world like this. Freedom is worth dying for but a society portrayed in 1984 would not be worth dying for and not be worth living in. Maybe the “pro-1984” assholes believe that would be a better place to live but I disagree.

I told my boss we should not comply but he is not sure what the other universities are doing yet. In my opinion we should all stand together in opposition; they cannot put all of us in jail. I am sure if this ever reached the Supreme Court it would be overturned but you never know.

While standing at the foot of Mount Rushmore and gazing up at some of the most important men in American history, I wonder what they would do if they were served with such a request? Would George Washington allow unbridled snooping of American citizens? Would Thomas Jefferson participate in an effort to undermine the Bill of Rights he just signed? Would Abraham Lincoln honor such a request if he was in my shoes? Would Teddy Roosevelt ever demand this from American citizens if he was President in these times? I honestly think this Administration and President will go down as one of the worst in American history. This was the President that killed the American Constitution in order to create a new one in a foreign land.

I would like to hear your opinion about this. Have any of you received a similar request from the government?

Here is one of the memories from my childhood that came back to me while on vacation.

Our 6th grade class loved to write letters, mostly to the opposite sex. Then we would exchange these love notes between classes as we passed each other in the halls. We had one particular nun, Sister Mary, who hated this note writing habit and just about everything else we did.

Sister Mary was over 3,428 years old; we think she might have actually met Christ. It was rumored if you were sent to the nurse they would drain your blood and feed it to her to keep her alive for another semester. She hated kids but taught them her entire life. She always accused our class of being on drugs when many of us had never even seen any drugs other than the Flintstone vitamins and the St. Joseph aspirins we were all addicted to.

One day she actually called my parents and accused me of being possessed by the devil because during First Communion practice, when the Host touched my tongue, I vomited it back all over the priest. She suggested we immediately have an exorcism.

Somebody was always vomiting in Church because it lacked AC so it was always very hot. Even the strong scent of the incense would sometimes cause someone to involuntarily cough up their breakfast. In fact, at least once a week somebody would vomit, which was a major event since we were all chain-pukers.

Sister Mary loved to play the guitar so everyday after Church we would gather and sing songs, mostly hymns and such. Well the book had other songs too like Bad Leroy Brown. We would take turns choosing a song to sing and everyday somebody would choose Bad Leroy Brown. Why? Well there is a verse “The baddest man in the whole dang town” but we would substitute “damn” instead of “dang” which would annoy the hell out of her. She would stop playing the guitar and the smile would quickly turn into a scowl. “Stop That!” Just about everyday this routine would repeat and she always fell for it.

We used to aggravate the hell out of Sister Mary. We would take the pencil shavings out of the pencil sharpeners and roll fake joints and leave them on the floor for her to find. During lavatory break somebody would always piss on the radiator, sending an indescribable stench rolling through the school. Another neat trick was to leave different color crayons on the radiator to melt into a disturbing collage of colors. One day she found the Polish Sex Manual somebody stole from their older brother lying on the cafeteria floor. The Polish Sex Manual was a three page booklet: page one reads “insert”, page two reads “remove” and page three reads “repeat if necessary”. That caused her head to get so red we all thought the top would explode like a zit.

The worst Sister Mary explosion occurred on the day somebody carved a four letter word on a lavatory stall. We actually felt the heat from her head radiate through the door a second before she opened it. She stormed in during a class, grabbed the chalk and ordered all of the girls to leave. Then she wrote the four letter word on the chalkboard as hard as she could in huge letters and chewed our asses out for an hour. She threatened to personally give us target practice if we could not hit the urinals and said she would find out "one way or another" who carved that word onto the stalls. When she left we washed the chalk boards but the four letter word she wrote in anger could not be cleaned and lingered throughout the rest of the school year. You could always see the ghost of it lurking behind the teachers as they lectured in that classroom.

Anyway back to the letter. Sister Mary threatens to take the next letter she finds and read it aloud in class to everybody. This was horrible to us as no one wanted their deep, dark secrets read aloud to the entire class. Well, one day a note was going around the class before the bell rang and Sister Mary surprised us and intercepted it as it was being passed. She held it over her head while walking slowly in triumph to the front of the class exclaiming, “I told you if I caught you passing notes I was going to read it aloud and I meant it!”

The entire class gasped in horror at the thought of these secrets being exposed. She opened the letter with a huge grin on her face, like the cat that finally caught and ate the bird. Then she opened it and yelled, “That is disgusting!!”

She hung her head and the smile evanished into an expression of disbelief at what she had just read. The whole class wanted to know what was written but she shook her head and placed her right hand over her heart as if she was going to collapse.

”What did it say?” we all shouted

Sister Mary crumbled the note and threw it in the trash can as she darted from the class toward the girl’s lavatory. One of my classmates ran to the trash can, grabbed the note and opened it.

“EEEEEWWWWWWWW!” She screamed. “It’s a big ole bloody booger!”

Sister Mary retired shortly after that incident. No one has seen her since.

Vacation is always too short. Just when you are well rested you have to return to work again. This trip was exceptionally beautiful and relaxing. We traveled over 3,000 miles, walked probably 20 miles of trails; I took over 2400 pictures and visited the main attractions in four states.

While driving we listened to some CDs I made of various songs from when I was younger. Some of the music I had not heard since I was a teenager and it brought back a flood of fond memories from my old summer vacations.

Remember that last day of school when you were 15? You knew you had 3 months to do whatever you wanted and it was awesome! Total freedom. June was always the best month too. I read an article where most people lose their virginity in June and it’s true for me too. June was like a month of Saturdays. Time spent with friends, playing ball at the park, chasing the ice cream truck, jumping in the pool on a hot day, riding the bike to new places.

Those memories are nothing more than echoes of a life long gone. At the time I thought life would always be like that and could never contemplate anything else. I think that was the last time in my life I was actually relaxed and free from stress. Fast forward about 20 years and now the June days are a constant pressure on your stomach and an aching in your guts. Each day blurs with the next until you cannot remember the last time you did something fun; except when you get a vacation. Those precious four weeks per year when you are truly free again.

I actually started writing again at the end of this vacation. It’s too hard to write while working a technical job everyday. I spend eight hours or more everyday configuring servers, switches, routers, and firewalls while supervising six to eight employees and then listening to their daily complaints and rants, and it totally wears me out. When I get home I am not in a creative state of mind. So I rant and do research on things that piss me off and post them on this blog because I cannot write anything good.

Hopefully I’ll get at least one chapter written before my brain dies again and maybe even another short story for the blog.

The last couple of days were amazing. We saw Scotts Bluff and Chimney Rock Nebraska. All I can say is, “Wow!” Both of those historic landmarks are visually astounding.

We also stood on the original Oregon Trail at Mitchell’s Pass. You can see evidence of wagon crossing and people carved their names in the rock along with the date; most were 1880’s and earlier. We ran into a family of wild rabbits that were friendly enough to come to me when I called them.

Right now we are in a Days Inn in Sioux City, Iowa. Tomorrow we visit the Blue Bunny ice cream factory in LaMars, Iowa and the Villisca Axe Murder House. This will be a tour only as I scout the house for a possible overnight excursion with the paranormal team later this summer.

See the bunny in his hole. As first they were scared but when I squatted and held out my hand they came right to me.





Chimney Rock





Scott's Bluff, NE