Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Chinese food is among my favorite. At least twice a week I lead a group of co workers to the local Chinese restaurant and we all love it. The price is right too, for less than 5 bucks you can stuff yourself. The only problem is if you have to use the restroom.
A Chinese restaurant restroom usually resembles something out of a third world country. The toilet is not bolted to the floor and is like riding a mechanical bull; if you move the wrong way it will buck you off. The water faucet only has one working lever, usually the cold water. The other one is ratcheted tight or just spins in circles.
Sometimes there are just two screwdrivers or a pieces of metal as handles; and when you turn the water on it usually jets all over your pants. Why can’t Chinese restaurants afford decent working water faucets? Also, good luck finding soap or towels to dry your hands.
I don’t know what that stuff is all over the faucets and I don’t want to know; that is why I use my foot to turn it on and off. They usually have some black or yellow crusty film on the faucets and everything else. I’ll bet these faucets were actually used by the Ming Dynasty and shipped directly from China.
Why are the floors always sticky? Do they use the same mop water or towel they used to wash the dishes with? These are things I try to ignore because if I don’t I would never be able to step foot in another Chinese restaurant. I know how I am going to die. My luck is going to run out and I will finally catch some disease living in the bathroom.
The fortune cookies are never practical either. Put something worthy of conversation in the cookies. Like, “You won’t win the lottery but your husband is banging his secretary, so you’ll clean up in alimony” or “You really should have taken a shower today”. Maybe one day my fortune cookie will say, “Clean up the frickin bathrooms”, in which case I’ll give it to the waitress.
Anyone else have these problems?
A Chinese restaurant restroom usually resembles something out of a third world country. The toilet is not bolted to the floor and is like riding a mechanical bull; if you move the wrong way it will buck you off. The water faucet only has one working lever, usually the cold water. The other one is ratcheted tight or just spins in circles.
Sometimes there are just two screwdrivers or a pieces of metal as handles; and when you turn the water on it usually jets all over your pants. Why can’t Chinese restaurants afford decent working water faucets? Also, good luck finding soap or towels to dry your hands.
I don’t know what that stuff is all over the faucets and I don’t want to know; that is why I use my foot to turn it on and off. They usually have some black or yellow crusty film on the faucets and everything else. I’ll bet these faucets were actually used by the Ming Dynasty and shipped directly from China.
Why are the floors always sticky? Do they use the same mop water or towel they used to wash the dishes with? These are things I try to ignore because if I don’t I would never be able to step foot in another Chinese restaurant. I know how I am going to die. My luck is going to run out and I will finally catch some disease living in the bathroom.
The fortune cookies are never practical either. Put something worthy of conversation in the cookies. Like, “You won’t win the lottery but your husband is banging his secretary, so you’ll clean up in alimony” or “You really should have taken a shower today”. Maybe one day my fortune cookie will say, “Clean up the frickin bathrooms”, in which case I’ll give it to the waitress.
Anyone else have these problems?
Labels: Humor
posted by DarthImmortal at 10:49 AM
3 Comments:
i love chinese food too. i dont' know how much talk is there in the US over this but here is on the news so often it's scary...Another Chinese restaurant using other meats than beef or chicken or pork...we have a joke here that is pretty famous..Keep your friends close and your cats and dogs closer...and yep on the bathroom...i'm too disgusted with many restaurants because of their un-cleaningness...so i have made this rule for myself..if i can't or won't use the washroom i don't eat their food...big crack downs here too over that (in all sorts of restaurant). There is only 1 Denny's i go without fear..you can see the kitchen (it's open)...there are 2 chinese restaurtants that are on the up and up...etc...
Chana,
I agree with your statement about not trusting the bathrooms and then not eating at the restaurant. However, EVERY Chinese restaurant is the same. I have yet to visit a restroom in one that was clean. So I just don't use them at all. But I love Chinese food too much to give it up.
I must say - this was very entertaining to read. I've experienced similar problems in Chinese resturants. And why are Americans so consumed with Chinese health practioners? They aren't exactly tops on the list for longevity. (Maybe it's due to their dirty bathroom practices)
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