How Bacon Can Defeat An Army

Thursday, August 17, 2006
Declaring war on ideas or inanimate objects is stupid in my opinion. Terrorism is an idea and we all know that ideas are bullet proof. Terrorism is not killing American soldiers in Iraq, Iraqis are killing our soldiers. Terrorism did not kill American civilians on 9/11, Al Qaeda killed them. So instead of declaring a war on terrorism we need to declare a war on Al Qaeda and Iraq.

It is impossible to win a war over an enemy that is unseen and unknown, which is why the war on drugs and the war on terrorism will never succeed. Every General or military mind knows to defeat an enemy you must first know the enemy; where they live, where they eat, what they value. Winning the war is paramount to knowing these things. This is why ultimately the war will fail unless we change our mindset to attack the enemy and NOT the ideology of terrorism.

Terrorism is subjective anyway. In a war, each side could argue the other is a terrorist. We have killed more Iraqi civilians than Al Qaeda has killed American civilians but we believe the other people are terrorists and not us.

So how do you defeat this enemy if you cannot defeat their idea? Simple, you hit them where it hurts, their fundamentalist religious beliefs. They care little for life or freedom; they only care about these religious beliefs. They will even train and send their children off to die as suicide bombers so I don’t think slaughtering them is going to scare them from becoming a terrorist.

Bush believes they hate us for our freedom. What bullshit!!! They hate us because, in their minds, we are immoral capitalists. They value religion over everything else including life itself. In contrast, we value money over everything else. If you asked an Iraqi man if he would rather have Sadam Hussein back in power or his daughter walking down main street in a mini skirt. I guarantee he would choose Hussein faster than you could say Muhammad Hideim.

If anyone has ever read the Koran they would know the worst thing for a Muslim is to eat pigs, touch pigs or even come in contact with pig’s blood. Even after death the body must be pure so contact with pigs blood would prevent them from seeing Allah and getting their 72 virgins in paradise. So here is what I propose would win the war with Al Qaeda and Iraq.

Instead of the media showing the devastation from the suicide bombers, show the Marines carrying off pieces of the terrorists and burying them with pigs. Have a news story showing American factories lacing all bullets with pig’s blood. Instead of dropping bombs, drop dead pigs. When you execute Iraqi or Al Qaeda dissidents shoot them with bullets dipped in pig’s blood and then bury them in graves with dead pig parts.

If a POW will not talk then stuff bacon bits into their mouth. Give the soldiers slabs of pork chops, slices of bacon and mounds of pork steaks to hurl at suspected suicide bombers who charge check points. Require all potential passengers on airlines to eat bacon and eggs before boarding the jet. You may be laughing but if they were to die on that flight they would not see paradise, get their virgins or see Allah.

I’ll bet you see a big turn around in Iraq. I’ll bet the suicide plots will grind to a screeching halt. I’ll bet the lives of many American soldiers will be saved if the enemy knows you will do the unthinkable. The unthinkable is NOT killing them or killing their children. The unthinkable is preventing them from seeing their precious Allah.

I brought this idea up in a conversation with friends but they thought it was too cruel. I think this would save the lives of many innocent Iraqi civilians and American soldiers. What do you think?

Until you define the enemy, you cannot defeat the enemy. Our enemy is NOT terrorism it is Al Qaeda.

On a more personal note: my brother has finally started writing his blog. I have a link under “Other Great Blogs” or just click here.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Barbarian02003 said...

Here, here, what a brilliant idea! I'm for it 100%. Here in the US all you have to do is yell "There is no God," for a whole army of Christians to get riled up. If someone found a way to insure those Christians wouldn't get into heaven you'd see the whole lot of them shut the hell up.

You need to send a note to Dubya. Write it in crayon so he'll understand it.

10:33 AM  
Blogger DarthImmortal said...

Barbarian,
LOL!!!! I'll use a red crayon so he knows I'm serious.

12:06 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Don't forget the construction paper! :D

8:35 PM  
Blogger Louisiana said...

i love this post..it's beautifully written, but then they are all, it's witty, and it is practical. wow, there is that word, that somehow gets lost within humans...i wish we could get this letter out to CNN or something..they have a spot for bloggers on sat, i think..this is very good...

fight back with pigs! i would have never thought of it..good job.

1:23 AM  
Blogger Law Fairy said...

I love this idea -- too funny! I wouldn't do the plane thing, because there are plenty of devout Muslims and Jews who are just out to peacefully fly to one place or another... they're not the ones at fault.

What about making POWs eat bacon AND watch the female soldiers boss the men around (where rank called for it, of course). I love the thought of how much that would infuriate them.

Also, I'll point out just one thing -- it's not "religion" that makes the crazies go on killing sprees, it's dogma. Most of us normal, people-loving religious folks only kill in self-defense. Or symbolically, in the courtroom (my personal favorite) ;)

8:43 AM  
Blogger DarthImmortal said...

Mimi,
I was once told I was TOO logical; as if it was a fault of mine. I swear my ears are not pointy and my skin is white (sometimes red, depending on the amount of sun) not green.

Chana,
Thanks for your kind words. I would like to get this information to the brain trust but I have yet to find a brain trust. Can you help me with this?

Law Fairy,
Even though you would not like the plane idea it would create a safe environment without all of the security BS. Put the burden on the people causing the trouble and not the innocent.

You are absolutely correct about the dogma vs. religion. When will I get a chance to see you crush somebody in the courtroom? That would be fun!

11:37 AM  

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