Another Superbowl, another boring mess. The game was almost as bad as watching two pigs get stuck in the mud while trying to free themselves. (I better be careful because people might complain because I am poking fun of pigs). I fell asleep during the third quarter so I did miss a little of the game but nothing happened anyway. The game was over in the second quarter; I think there was a total of two exciting plays.

This year the commercials were the worst I have ever seen. With the exception of Blockbuster and a couple of Budweiser ads, the whole mess was horrible. But the Budweiser axe and chainsaw hitchhiker ad was "fall on the floor" funny. I hate commercials anyway but I do appreciate the humor in beer ads.

I saw the Federline commercial which was supposedly making fun of fast food workers (which was not worth the tape it was copied on). People were complaining because it belittled fast food workers. Now we cannot make fun of people’s jobs.

We have got to get the stick out of our ass before we all die from stress. Good comedy is going to have to go underground soon or comedians will face law suits. What the hell is wrong with us when we cannot make fun of people’s jobs? I really hope to be kidnapped by aliens soon because I can’t take much more of this shit. If I am going to get probed in the ass at least a whole society should benefit from it and not just the NFL.

A very good friend (AndyR) was rushed into surgery yesterday at 8pm because his aorta burst open. He was very close to death but managed to get himself to the hospital just in time. Now I know why he didn't show up for the game.

I didn’t find out what happened until about 10pm but I was left speechless. I am going to visit him in the hospital tonight. This is proof how valuable our time on Earth is and how quickly it can be taken away. Live everyday like it is your last because you never know when it will be.

Get well soon Andy as the readership of this blog just dropped by 50%.

In closing I leave you with a list of events or videos that were more fun to watch than
Superbowl XLI:

• A tractor Pull (this was very close).
• Snapping turtles bottoming out in the deep sand.
• Real time video of a bucket of ice melting on the frozen tundra.
• The underwater mating habits of the wild sponge.
• The above water mating habits of Wal-Mart greeters (I think I just threw up in my mouth)
• A Kevin Ferderline music video.
• 100 hours of video of dogs licking their balls narrated by Charlton Heston.
• A spitting contest featuring 10 ill-showered, beard-wearing, Camel smoking, tobacco-chewing, camoflauge-wearing, NRA-card carrying, gun-toting, big-breasted, Bible thumping, toothless, Republican midwestern hunters.
• The riveting docudrama entitled, “How many wheels can I fit on the rear axle of my truck” starring the winner of the spitting contest.
• Making the career jump from whore to high school French Teacher in 5.1 DTS.

Five years ago the ownership group of the Cardinals approached St. Louis wanting a new stadium. One of the reasons they gave was they claimed this would give them the ability to remain competitive so money would not be an obstacle to signing higher priced players. Since the opening of the new stadium the Cardinals have brought no new significant free agents to the Cardinals organization. Losing Jeff Weaver for a measly three million dollars was the final straw. Isn’t the three million dollars in the Jeff Weaver contract exactly what you promised would be there when the new ballpark was built?

This ownership group does not care about winning. They dangled the hope of signing better talent in front of the St. Louis fans to get their stadium built and have now abandoned them to count their money. Instead of AJ Burnett we got Josh Hancock. Instead of Jason Schmidt we got Kip Wells. Now both Jeff Suppan and Jeff Weaver have gone elsewhere, leaving the Cardinals with only one healthy, bonafide starting pitcher for the season.

Winning the World Series last year was a surprise but it had nothing to do with ownership bringing in talent. We won because Walt Jockety, Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan have continued to work miracles with absolutely no help from above. They pulled a St. Louis miracle by winning with guys on the scrap heap. Jeff Weaver, Ronnie Belliard, and Preston Wilson all contributed to the post season but were throw-away players other teams did not want.

During the first day Cardinals tickets went on sale a record 250,000 were sold but the ownership rewarded the fans by letting three of the five starting pitchers leave a championship team. The two guys you should have let go were Marquis and Mulder and then kept Suppan and Weaver. I suspect if Mulder was healthy he would have left too because you wouldn’t have paid him either. Facing the possibility of selling out all the home games for another season was not incentive for you get at least one more pitcher? Or are you hoping to keep Cardinals fans happy by letting them catch a barrage of home run balls from opposing hitters?

What do the fans have to do to get a decent payroll increase to bring in more talent? We sell out every home game, we follow the team on the road and increase attendance in those parks, and we purchase every piece of Cardinal merchandise you throw at us. We pay the highest ticket prices and highest concession stand prices in the league. Tell us what more can we do? Do you want our rent money? How many millions do you have to steal from the pockets of fans before you give some back?

The Cardinals have a talented group of core players which have dominated their division for a decade. But only having one championship to show for it is disturbing. Cardinal fans stepped up and sold out every home game last season and it is realistic to think that it will happen again this year. But the ownership group is again slapping the fans in the face by not signing any free agent pitchers for the second season in a row. Now the Cardinals are faced with the reality of Kip Wells being their number two starter. Kip Wells being another player claimed from the scrap heap.

I took a trip to the Garden Ridge men’s restroom on Friday night and finally realized I am surrounded by morons. The bathroom was a wreck. As if the graffiti on the walls wasn’t enough, some idiot carved curse words into the actual toilet seat. The toilet paper holder was knocked from the wall, the coat hanger was ripped from the back of the stall door, someone attempted to rip the door from the hinges, and it appeared somebody took a hammer to the wall, door and everything else in the stall.

So I started thinking about what it takes to be a complete moron and I realized it takes extra effort. You could just walk into the bathroom, do your business and leave. But a complete moron takes extra time to carve curse words into the toilet seat, a complete moron puts in that little extra effort to rip the coat hanger from the door and then try to rip the entire door from its hinges. A complete moron must also put in a little extra effort to kick the toilet paper, soap and towel dispensers from the wall. By putting in this extra effort the person has established themselves to be a complete moron.

I just read an article stating the US population eclipsed some huge number which I cannot remember or find, and the population increases by another moron every 17 seconds. Has the human gene pool been completely saturated so the moron count increases while intelligent people are becoming extinct? Why are there so many more morons in the world today?

One reason could be because we have created too many safety laws which might be keeping too many idiots alive when, by the process of natural selection, they should be perishing. Like I have written many times on this blog; I am a believer in social Darwinism but when we pass dumb ass safety laws we interfere with Mother Nature.

You want to ride your motor cycle with no helmet while speeding at over 100 mph with your kid tucked within a backpack; then go right ahead. You want to shoot 1000 milligrams of cocaine into your veins per day; then do it. You want to chain smoke twenty packs of cigarettes per day; go for it. You want to drive with your newly born infant on your lap; don’t let me stop you. You want to try to climb the Arch and parachute off the top; go for it. All of these activities will trim the mentally inept from society and make life easier and better for the rest of us.

One day I was returning a movie to Family Video and this old pickup truck comes speeding into the parking lot and slams into a little concrete parking curb. Out pours this guy wearing a VERY dirty white tee shirt, reeking of alcohol with a cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth. While yelling obscenities at his wife he flicks the smoldering butt into the middle of the parking lot, and then manages to stumble into the video store with about 10 kids under 10 years old following him and his wife (or significant other). No car seats or seat belt on any of the kids, they all squeezed into the front seat of the truck. Never once did either parent pay attention to any of the kids to make sure they were safe while walking from the truck into the store.

One of the younger kids wearing only a diaper was picking up rocks and throwing them at the parked cars. If some car had pulled into the lot there was no way they could see this small child and would have definitely hit him if he had not finally walked into the store. But I started thinking, it probably is a good thing this family does not have car seats because in 15 years I don’t want this kid breaking into my house, stealing my car or raping my wife. My only point with this story is to show how natural selection has been squelched with these stupid safety laws. It would be a very good thing for society if this family was downsized, starting at the top with daddy.

Before we leave this story, let's look at the mom for a minute. Does she actually think being with this guy is good for her or her kids? Does she actually lie in bed at night thinking, “Boy I sure am glad he is here, I can't wait to get him in between my legs tonight. Maybe we'll get lucky and I'll get knocked up again.” What is the thought process in dating or marrying a loser like this? At one time, was she actually thinking, “I cannot wait to have kids with this guy, he is a real keeper?” So if not, we must assume she is just as big of a dumb ass as her man. I just wonder if she makes him shower and brush his tooth before screwing him.

You might be thinking, but Darth these kids are innocent and they should be protected. No!!! Dumb ass people have dumb ass kids. The acorn does not fall far from the tree. If they are not intelligent enough to keep their kids safe, then their kids are not going to be responsible in protecting their kids either. Let’s just end this whole mess with one swiftly moving truck containing seatbeltless, drunk, smoking, dirty, meth-munching morons and one concrete barricade or cliff.

Enough about morons now lets move on to cheaters. I believe the little things define a person and their moral fiber. If I get into a person’s car and it’s filled with trash and a thick layer of dirt on the inside of the window, I know this is a dirty person. They might be dressed in a suit and tie but they are still dirty because if their car is dirty, I’ll bet their home is also filthy.

Looking at the baseball game last night, it was discovered Kenny Rogers had pine tar on this pitching hand. What should have happened was his immediate dismal followed by a ten game suspension as stated in the rulebook. Instead the umpires told him to wash his hands. What is happening with baseball?

I’ll tell you what is happening, baseball players, coaches, managers, and umpires condone or at least turn their heads and allow cheating. This has never been clearer than last night. They allow cheating with human growth hormones and now they allow pitchers to use pine tar with no penalties. My first question would be to ask why Tony LaRussa did not say anything. The answer is he and Jim Leyland are good friends. I’m positive if LaRussa knows which Tigers are cheating then Leyland knows which Cardinals are cheating too. So by exposing Kenny Rogers he would then be exposing his own team. That is why none of the Cardinals would say anything on camera, I’m sure LaRussa instructed them to stay silent.

The bigger picture, however, would show baseball as covering up and allowing cheating because the umpires should have thoroughly checked Kenny Rogers, his glove and his uniform. Instead, they send him into the clubhouse to wash his hands thereby giving him a "get out of jail free" card, thus allowing the cheating to continue. As Tim McCarver put it, "It's like catching a bank robber and telling him to put the money back and all will be forgiven." Anyone who has ever played baseball knows the pine tar on the hand comes from the glove. So even though he washed his hands, the glove still had an ample supply.


Even more evidence of cheating was in the first inning when the home plate umpire asked for the ball because the Cardinal hitter complained it was dirty and Ivan Rodriguez quickly threw it into the Tigers dugout. More evidence came before the start of the second inning when an overhead camera clearly showed a group of Cardinal’s players gathered around looking at a pine tar covered baseball and then one of the coaches quickly stashed it into his jacket pocket. Then after the game when Kenny Rogers was interviewed and asked what the umpire said about the “dirt” on his hand, Rogers claimed the umpire never even said anything at all about it, which is clearly a lie. We know this is a lie because in another interview, the chief of the umpires told the home plate umpire to tell Rogers to wash his hands. Why would Rogers lie if it was truly only dirt on his hand? Rogers then lied a second time during the press conference as did Jim Leyland when he was asked about it too.

The most damning evidence of all is when the umpire tells Kenny Rogers to wash his hands. If the substance was not illegal then why require him to wash his hands? And, again, if the substance was not illegal then why did Rogers comply.

Remember me saying earlier the little things define a person’s character. Well if Kenny Rogers has a cheaters personality by putting pine tar in his glove then he would also take performance enhancing drugs too. This explains why at 41 he is able to pitch better than when he was 21. But baseball clearly does not care. They have turned a cheek to steroids and now they are turning their heads and allowing blatant cheaters a safe haven. They also sent a clear message to all the kids watching the game last night, it is alright to cheat.

This has nothing to do with being a Cardinal fan either. I respect the game of baseball and this issue is larger than any one player or any one team. If Jeff Weaver had been caught with pine tar on his hand I would have wanted him and expected him to be thrown out and suspended too. I would also have expected afterward for the Cardinals to give Weaver his walking papers. Our society is ripe and filled with rampant cheaters and baseball is only reflecting this. It makes me sick and it should make you sick too.

I should just give up on this because not one of my predictions in the Division Series panned out. But the stubborn German in me just will not let it go so here are my predictions for the Championship Series. Most importantly, lets figure out which National League team the American League will sweep in the World Series.

American League
The Tigers proved their pitching is the best in the League and should beat the A’s. This will be a close series so it will probably go a full seven games.

National League
Well the Cardinals are my team so if I predict with my heart I should pick the Cardinals but I will use my brain and pick the Mets in six. The Cardinals do have a chance at an upset if their feeble lineup can figure out a way to hit. The Cardinal’s pitching staff must all have career starts to win this series and while it is possible, it is very unlikely.

I would like to see long time friends Tony LaRussa and Jim Leyland face off in the World Series. But it really doesn’t’ matter which National League team makes it, they will be crushed by either the A’s or the Tigers.

I live for this.

Every year I like to predict who will go to and ultimately win the World Series. Here are my predictions for the 2006 post season.

Right now the Twins are the best team in baseball. They should beat the A’s in four games.

The Tigers were the best team at one time but right now they are just not winning. They will probably get stomped by the Yankees in three. The Tigers did not set up their pitching staff which will further help the Yankees easily win.

In the National League the San Diego Padres are the hottest team and should beat the Cardinals in 3 or 4 games. With that being said, if Chris Carpenter can win game 1 the Cardinals have a chance. The Padres as a whole are a much better team but the Cardinals have the best pitcher (Carpenter) and the best overall player in Albert Pujols.

The Dodgers should beat the Mets. The Dodgers are hot and the Mets have not played a meaningful game in over two months by easily winning the Eastern Division. This series will probably go a full 5 games.

What do you think?

Does anybody care about professional athletes taking performance enhancing drugs? Are you concerned about Barry Bonds passing Babe Ruth on the all time home run list? Do you actually care if Albert Pujols is taking drugs? If you answered “yes” to these questions consider our society; we live in a drug culture. If this era in baseball is considered the “Steroids Era” then this era in American civilization should be considered the “Drug Era”.

We have drugs for everything: concentration, sleeping, staying awake. shitting, eating, pissing, not pissing, not shitting, erections, pregnancy, heart problems, vein problems, hypertension, depression, quit smoking, gout, AIDs, cancer, diabetes, flu, cough, headaches, numbness, irritable bowels, anxiety, and everything else not mentioned. Are you hooked on drugs? No problem, we have a drug to get you off drugs. Of course these drugs don’t actually cure anything; they just keep you coming back for more pills.

Our entire society takes performance enhancing drugs on a daily basis to help concentrate better and to work more efficiently. So why does society seemed outraged at athletes for doing the same to help them work better. I wonder how many of these hypocrites who are complaining, take drugs to enhance their life on a daily basis. Probably most of them.

I also find it humorous that plants like marijuana are illegal. These plants grow in the ground and are as natural as a rose garden but yet they are evil. Give me a freakin break!!! Most of the drugs people take for the above mentioned ailments are more toxic than marijuana. Hell, alcohol and nicotine are just as bad as marijuana. Yet our government actually sends police into the forest to find and execute these plants.

They showed one of these “missions” on Cops and I laughed my ass off while watching it. They marched into the forest dressed in camouflage, jumped from helicopters like Delta Force, using the latest in technology gadgets as if they were hunting Al-Qaeda to find these evil plants. When the perpetrators were found, they were ripped from the ground and burned alive. This was a very serious “search and destroy” mission, because we are at war with ........plants! Maybe instead of burning, they should have taken some prisoners of war and moved the plants to Guantanamo Bay for "questioning" with the other terrorists.

If our Fore Fathers knew we were spending all these tax dollars hunting plants as fugitives they would rise from the grave, march to Washington and kick our legislatures in the balls. And after they ate the brains of Congress (which collectively would equal a little more than a small smack) they would migrate to Canada for healthcare. (I love zombie films!)

Why don’t they “search and destroy” plants that are really hazardous like poison ivy or poison oak? Those are worse than marijuana and cause more damage. I also have some weeds growing in my front yard that are destroying my grass. Why don’t they hunt and destroy those? Do you think if we smoked rose petals they would have "missions" to hunt down and destroy those too? Are they going to make mushrooms illegal too – those can get you feeling "good"?

The real problem with marijuana is the drug companies don’t make any money from the sales. They don’t want people cutting into their sales; that is the primary reason marijuana is illegal. So instead of smoking a natural plant which grows in the ground, the government would prefer you take some artificially manufactured drugs made from toxic materials. Did you realize there are more toxic chemicals in a Twinkie or a can of soda than there is in a marijuana plant?

Anyway, getting back to my original point, who cares if baseball players take growth hormones or steroids? Besides taking these drugs cannot aid a player in hitting a ball, you still have to have talent. But if you could take a drug and earn tens of millions of dollars, would you do it? I’ll bet 9 out of 10 would do it. It’s their body; if they want to take the risk then we should respect their decision. We take risks with every drug we take and many of the legal drugs have deadlier side effects than growth hormones. But if we do care, then we should clean up our own drug problems first. Let’s start with the American drug companies. I wish these sports geeks would shut the hell up and find something new to bitch about.

By the way this is probably my last post until June 6. I am leaving for South Dakota and Wyoming tomorrow and will not return until then. I will try to post some pictures while on the road but that all depends on the Internet access at the hotels. For new visitors check out the archives, I’ve posted some good love stories under “From the Heart” You’ll find more archived political essays and some paranormal stories if you look to your right.

When I was a kid there was nothing greater than returning home on an early Saturday afternoon with a fistful of baseball cards and sorting them while watching Saturday Afternoon Baseball. Then, when the game was over it was off to the baseball diamond where we spent countless hours playing and trying to imitate our favorite player. Even in my adult life I continued to be a sports fanatic, often planning family activities around baseball, hockey and football games. But after spending most of my life addicted to sports I have come to realize that sports for the avid watcher is a loser.

Somewhere along the way, the sports players and franchises have robbed me to the point where I do not care for their product anymore. I cannot think of any other activity where a business can charge as much as they want for simple items and the mindless consumers swarm over it. A hockey jersey is $160, a beer at a baseball game is almost $8, just a soft drink is $5 and a hot dog is $4!!!! I cannot even afford baseball cards anymore!!

Every major professional sports team raids the wallets of the fans while promising nothing and delivering mostly nothing in return. Am I guaranteed a victory for my $200 night out? Do I get a discount if my favorite star has a bad night or if the team gets hammered by an inferior opponent? Now that the Blues are the worst team in hockey are the hot dogs and beer any cheaper?

Sports franchises not only sell losing but they sell it at a premium. In fact, let’s look at how many championships the St. Louis sports teams have won since 1975 (the year I started watching): Hockey (0), Baseball (1), Football (1). In thirty years, out of an estimated tens of thousands of dollars spent on jerseys, caps, shirts, shoes, cards, tickets and food, I got two championships.

I cannot think of any other activity where so much money is spent on a lost cause. But yet the fans return every year to throw their money at losing franchises that continue to sell mediocrity in support of players that clearly don’t care. Any other business would be bankrupt but not sports’ franchises; they continue to sell a losing product to a supportive fan base. Can you imagine promoting a business where you would get thousands of investors to give you millions of dollars year after year with no return at all? I think they would put you in jail for it but yet this is what sport teams do every year. How is this possible?

This is not all about wins and loses; where sports really hurts the average person is the price of inflation for everyday products. When "Player A" gets his $100 million contract, not only the fans pay for that but the entire community pays for it. Let me explain. Because of "Player A's" $100 million dollar contract, the advertisers of baseball pay outrageous fortunes to advertise on billboards, television and radio and they pass along the price of those ads to the consumer. Not only the advertised products are increased but everything around the product is now increased, making life more expensive for everybody.

The worst impact on society are these billion dollar television contracts given to baseball and football. This cost is passed on to not only the advertisers of the sports programming but the advertisers of the entire television network. This cost is then passed along to all consumers not just the sports viewers. Sports is the primary reason cable and satellite television prices have risen so high during the past decade and will continue to rise.

In my youth, watching a game was a great way to learn the sport because the announcers provided insights into the manager’s strategy and focused on good player’s technique. Now during every break, every second possible is spent on commercials; no more time for learning There are pop up ads all over the screen during the play, logos all over the players’ jerseys and billboards crammed in every inch of the stadium. It’s disgusting!!!

For my money sports are a big loser!! The only thing sports are good for is teaching youth’s good team work and life lessons but keep your kids away from the professionals. If we can stop this senseless addiction to sports maybe the price will finally come down to an affordable level; a level that will not hurt the entire community.

If the movie studios continue on their evil ways, they will be the next big loser. If I pay to see a film I should not have to sit through commericals; I do not pay to watch commercials. They even put commercials on the DVDs, and you cannot skip them. I have also noticed the commericals within the films are more blantant than ever before. The idiotic thing about this is that no one ever complains. Come on people!!!!