Where have you gone, this love of mine? The lonely nights spent in desperation waiting for the sound of your voice are overpowering my will to believe you even exist at all. I have not heard love's voice in so long that I have forgotten it. The silence hurts my ears, destroys my heart and crushes my soul.

The beauty of your eyes and the energy I gained from your voice have faded, leaving behind only a shell of a man. The words exchanged that once echoed through my heart have been banished from my memories. Your arms that were once my umbilical cord of life have vanished leaving behind only ashes that were once hope and happiness.

Do you not feel this pain too? Have you created a fortress around your heart because it is easier to face than the reality? How difficult it must be for you to prevent the union of souls. An eternity of contentment, happiness and love denied in an instant; the wall must be thick indeed.

Being awakened from life’s dull sleep and realizing the possibilities of eternal happiness must have been too much for you. It’s safer in the dark. It’s safer within the sleep. It’s safer to live without love. Having been there for most of my life I would agree it is much safer there. The journey would be long and hazardous and not without casualties.

Some say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Then I must have looked into your soul and released the hidden passion you have buried within. The euphoria was overwhelming. When you stare into destiny’s eyes there are no more lies and no more secrets. Eternity's kiss was so close. Why must the dream fade and the nightmare begin?

At night, when you close your eyes who do you see? When the tears run down your face who do you want to wipe them away? You can trick your mind but your heart knows. You can silence the passion and hide from destiny but the will of the souls, if denied, must be more painful than anything imaginable. I know. I feel the pain too.

The stone face old-man stared down at the casket as it was being lowered into the ground. Being a veteran of two wars he was familiar with death but it had been a while since he had tasted it. His father always told him never to show emotions. “Emotions are weakness!” he used to say.

He passed this value onto his only son. He was a tough man and he raised a tough son as he reigned over his family for 40 years with an iron fist. He felt comfortable with that way of doing business; this was how a marine was supposed to be. Tough as nails! But the only person he had ever loved was dead and now he pondered what he would do with the rest of his life.

He met her in high school at the Sweet Sixteen dance fifty-four years earlier. She was two years younger than him but she was quite a dish. Her smile pierced his tough exterior like a javelin and her soft grip on his heart never wavered. Her hair flowed in waves over her shoulders; it was love at first sight. She was the only life he valued more than his own. They married in 1954, the day before he left for boot camp.

Thoughts of her sweet kiss saved his life many times in Korea, Vietnam and Cambodia. Many guys gave up during the war and lost their life but not him. She saved him. If not for her waiting for him back home he might have given up too.

After the funeral the family went back to the house he shared with her for over 30 years. As he surveyed the pictures on the living room table be thought about how lucky he was to have been blessed with spending all those happy years with this wonderful woman. And that’s when it hit him!! Did he ever tell her how lucky he was?

He sat down on the couch with tears welling up in his eyes. The room that was noisy was now silent as they witnessed the giant fall. The family and friends he had know his entire life that had never seen an inkling of emotions was stunned to see this mighty man show some humanity. His son quickly ran and sat down next to him.

“Pop? Are you alright?” he said as he handed his father a glass of water.

It took two hands to hold the glass with both of them now shaking.

“Saturday, you cut my grass. It was hot and I......well.....I have trouble in the heat now....and......I was too proud to ask for help but you were here. You cut it for me without me even asking. You’re a good son. Thank you for being a good son.”

The son had never seen his father cry in all his years.

“Did I ever tell you how proud I was when you were born? You completed the family. When you had trouble sleeping I used to rock you next to the fireplace and sing old songs to you so your mother could get some rest.

I never told you how proud I was to see you graduate from college or how proud I was when you were promoted to Vice President. I should have. You have always been a good son. You were always there for your mother and me.”

Nobody in the house moved a step. All eyes were on the father and son.

“Last Friday when your mother and I were on our way to the symphony, she came out of the bathroom all dolled up and as I saw her I remember grabbing onto the bed post because she was stunning. Here is this seventy year old woman walking out of the bathroom and I remember thinking how beautiful she looked. She took my breath away. My heart started pounding and my knees almost gave out. Just like when I saw her for the first time.

But I never told her how good she looked that night. I was in a hurry and...........”

“It’s okay Pop, I’m sure she knew.”

His father drank from the glass with shaky hands, spilling a little on his favorite suit. He stared at this son.

“On our first wedding anniversary I took a week of leave and your mother cooked me a beef roast, it was my favorite meal. She worked at least five hours on that roast. Two homemade pies.....the works. I never told her how good that roast was........I never told her how much I appreciated the effort she put into that meal for me.”

Now the father looked down in shame.

“When I got back from the war I was not sure how I would adjust to civilian life. Several of the men in my platoon couldn’t handle it and either killed themselves or left their home and were never seen again. It was your mother that saved me. She held me and told me how she believed in me, and.................I never thanked her for that. I never told her how much I appreciated what she did for me. I should have but now it’s too late.”

“Pop, you know...........”

“No! I know nothing! Now it’s only at the end that I finally understand! I was too hard on you and your mother. You were both the best things that ever happened to me but I never even told either one of you that I loved you! I never told you how much I needed you in my life or showed any kind of love at all! I need her! She died with my heart and soul! Why was I so stupid?!

"Son," he said with his tone now softening, "listen to me.......don’t make the same mistakes that I made. Tell your wife and kids you love them and appreciate them everyday before it's too late. Do it now! Silence is not golden. Silence is the talk of fools!”

Then he grabbed his son and hugged him; now sobbing uncontrollably.

That night Pop died. A few days later, the son watched with watery eyes as his father’s coffin was lowered into the ground; he kissed the rose extended his arm and dropped it on top of the casket. He whispered, “I love you pop. Tell mom I love her too.”

When I am writing a book I like to take frequent breaks to review and edit what was written. Sometimes other stories come to me and I have to quickly jot them down. Here is another example of one such story:

The Secret Life of Daydreams

We make choices on a daily basis; some small and some life changing. What happens when the choices we make lead us to a fork in the road? What happens when all that matters lies far off on a distant journey? Is true love and happiness worth such a journey?

If you were to explain these feelings to a happily married person this is the story you would tell:

Imagine one day you wake up and find yourself married to someone else. You have the house of your dreams full of your life’s work and all of your children are healthy and happy but this life is lacking one important thing (maybe the most important thing)…your true love. That one person who plucks out life’s pain and, in return, gives you smiles and happiness. That one person you need to validate every dream and make everyday feel magical.

How far would you go to find the love you lost? Would you trade everything you own and take a journey that could end in disaster? Close friends would think you were crazy to walk away from everything and roll the dice on something that only exists in fairy tales.

Is it even possible for a soul mate to exist? Is the whole concept of a soul mate a fairy tale? Is it just a love-sick teenager’s dream thought up while pining for their future love? After literally hundreds of dates you believe the concept of a soul mate is a fairy tale that only exists in the movies. Sure it is easy to write about such things, but they never actually happen. You’ve spent your entire life looking and have given up. Based on the movie Serendipity you have always imagined that fate would intervene to find a soul mate but there would be no Serendipity for you.

Now you are married so the dream is dead and the life you imagined would be so happy is lonely and dreary. Days are spent alone in the darkness staring at the computer screen waiting for words to appear but they elude you. One day melts into the next until the dreams you had can no longer be remembered. You can feel life’s light slowly fading within you and hope the end is near. Smiles and laughter are fleeting; mostly created by the admiration of your daughter’s achievements and the jokes you tell to friends. Game over.

And then this happens........

What if you met someone completely intriguing that made you feel alive and happy again? What if you found someone whose smile reminded you of Christmas Day? What if that person is married? Based on the Serendipity principle you would just ignore this person and think about how great it would be if you two could be together but they’ve already found their true love and are married. So you should just ignore these feelings and put your heart in fates hands.

Months would go by with no contact and then one day out of the blue they contacted you. No big deal just talk for a while about a problem but you notice something in their voice and yours. The smiles, the laughter; hell, it’s been so long you don’t even remember what its like to be happy like that with someone else. Then you hang up the phone and that’s it.

No more contact for months but the person is on your mind every day. Not out in front but in the depths. Their laughter still echoes within your mind and you could still see their smile every time you closed your eyes. Just a brief thought, wondering how their day was going, just a thought wondering if they were laughing today; well, surely they are, so stop thinking about this. Replaying the conversations in your mind you might chuckle to yourself and shake your head and get back to work.

Then they call again and invite you on some grand adventure; an adventure you have always wanted to take but when you told friends in the past about wanting to do this they laughed and thought you were crazy. It turns out this other person is involved in this activity and has been for quite a while. You go on the adventure and it was amazing but still you don’t spend much time with the person because they are married and you do not want to interfere.

Years go by; you’ve matured, and changed. While still in a loveless marriage you call the other person a couple of times but no return call. Then one day a message on the voice mail from them wanting to chat. Finally you make contact again and there isn’t enough time to get everything out you want to say. You fell like you were never away at all. The laughter returns, the feelings return and all the old thoughts rush your brain. Why is this happening? Are they as happy talking with you as you are with them? It just feels so good to talk with somebody that understands you and that you understand because very few people actually do understand you.

Now you find out their life was not that much happier than yours. In fact they are divorced and depressed. Their marriage was loveless like yours. Dating is difficult for them because the opposite sex does not seem interested or they run from the smile you have been so desperate to watch. How can that be? How can someone not nurture this flower?

Then another call, and another and another; each time deeper and more involved so you start to think that this other person might actually have feelings for you too. You can hear it in their voice and see it in their eyes and feel it in their hug. Each time you both meet, you both light up like pinball machines with smiles and laughter. You’ve never heard a depressed person laugh so much; this must be some kind of mistake. They must not really be that depressed to laugh so much and smile so big but this depression is confirmed through a mutual friend.

Now finally the connection is made with the Serendipity principle; but it’s not possible; they can’t have feelings for you. If they did that might mean only one thing but that one thing is nothing but a fairy tale. After hanging up the phone you actually have to hide the lights shining from your eyes because of the fear you might get busted for something you never did. You feel guilty but why?

Now an amazing transformation begins to happen to you. Poetry and writing returns to your tongue and words start to drip so fast there are not enough hours in the day to write them all down. A spring returns to your step. The life you hoped would soon fade begins to expand beyond, as the dreams you had buried in your mind begin to re surface. With this person standing next to you, things that seemed unobtainable are finally reachable. Stop and dry your eyes; this cannot be happening. You must put a stop to this nonsense once and for all, just tell them how you feel and that will surely chase them away.

So the big night is finally at hand. You finally get a private dinner with someone that has been on your mind for years and someone you have a strong connection with. After a few hours which are flying by like minutes you can see the feelings in their eyes and when they touch you it’s like a bolt of lightning shooting throughout your body. So now you finally show your hand and tell them your private thoughts. You have shared what you were feeling so it can finally be dismissed as the fantasy it was and you could get back to your miserable life. These moments of ecstasy were nothing but great conversations and this other person will prove this fantasy of yours is false ……… but they don’t. They stare back like you are actually making sense and even confirm some things.

Then you see an amazing transformation. Their body language is more caring and loving than every before. Their mind says wait but their body says yes. It’s evident. But they need time to think and you don’t blame them. After years of harboring these feelings and weeks of thinking about the Serendipity principle - it is still possible, it might still be a reality. Then the next phone call comes with the words, “it’s reciprocated”.

Life’s light that weeks before seemed so dull, is now shining brightly. You have newly found energy and your sight has returned. It is possible to obtain happiness on a level most people can only write about?

So now the journey begins. Knowing what you know, you must let this puzzle that is your life fall together. Are you strong enough to fulfill your quest to find a soul mate? As the emotions rush through your head you cannot let them cloud your judgment. This is real; you can feel it in your heart. If this is real, then all the years of loneliness and all the years of loveless ness could be worth it. Just one taste of true loves kiss would be worth everything.

I'm in the middle of writing two books when this little story came to me. I thought I would share it with everyone.

The Silence of Love

It was a crisp October morning with a blanket of frost covering the grass when she met him for the first time. She didn’t know it then but it would be the birth of so many lovely memories, cherished moments and unforgettable days.

She noticed him for the first time as he rushed passed her trying to avoid a tardy on his first day of class. She didn’t think much about him at first until she entered the class and sat right next to him.

They slowly started talking to each other, he thought she was nice and she thought he was too talkative. Then they were lab partners and spent a lot of time together. The friendship started with much laughter, studying and working on projects together. Slowly and deeply they were becoming very good friends.

The long hours together always felt like minutes because they always had something interesting to say, an interesting story, a wacky idea, an emotional thought; they would share a lot of feelings, laughter and smiles. Most importantly, she knew that he was always there for her.

At that time, she was unhappily married to someone else; a marriage void of love, laughter and friendship which often plunged her into little depressions. Whenever something went wrong or she was hurt, she would call him. He would always cheer her up and sprinkle smiles all over her unhappy face. He was her guardian angel, her best friend.

When school ended, he suddenly moved to another city. Sometime during all the years they had spent together he had fallen in love with her but did not want to disrupt her marriage. She loved him deeply but didn’t yet realize it.

One day after her divorce, she realized her friend was not there for her; no more smiles, no more laughter. When she finally called him and they talked again, he realized his love for her was still very strong and now she began to feel it too. He moved back to town and they resumed their friendship in which love quickly caught fire. He finally gathered enough courage to confess his love for her. Instead of admitting her love for him, she confessed the painful divorce left her heart scarred and her trust in men was shattered.

This bad news was a crushing blow so he gave her some space and stayed away from her but believed in his heart she was the “one”. His heart was now broken so now her phone calls were only answered by voice mail. Finally she realized her love for him so she frantically called but the lover she desperately needed was lost.

How could this happen? If love cannot flourish with people so deeply in love, then love is forever dead. If only he had remained supportive he could have unlocked her heart; he could have proved that love was alive and happiness was not just a dream. His heart was too fragile to risk breaking it again gambling on her love so he did not talk to her.

Then the phone calls stopped as did the laughter and the happiness. She wanted him to be there, to hold her and to talk to her but he was gone. She yearned for an emotional anchor but he wasn’t there for her. If she had reached out to him sooner and just let him know she loved him he would have been there in an instant. Soon the smiles faded and life’s depressing frost paralyzed her heart once again.

Out of desperation to fill the lonely nights, she met someone else. The same man she divorced years earlier but with a different face. One day she called her old friend and told him she was getting married. Her words tore his heart out again but he smiled and wished her happiness ever after. If only....

After Thoughts

The two main ingredients in a successful marriage are friendship and sex. Both of these are needed to spend a fulfilling life with anybody. But if you have to choose one over the other which one would be the most important ingredient to you? Mine would be friendship.

My thoughts are if the friendship is built first then the sex will eventually happen and compliment everything leading to total happiness (soulmate). There must be an initial attraction, so let's assume neither the friend nor you is a slack-jawed troglodyte.

Sex and looks will probably fade over time but the friendship will last forever and will be the most fulfilling ingredient. So that being said, a marriage built on sex with no friendship will ALWAYS end in tragedy. These tragedies occur when sex is introduced before friendship.

It is important to realize these relationships can develop into marriage when either the addiction to sex is very strong or when the fears of being alone are stronger than the dysfunctional realtionship. I think most marriages end in tragedy because they are not even love stories at all but just "booty calls" gone crazy. It is this tragedy that creates new dysfunctional realtionships. So the cycle of broken hearts continues.

An even worse fate to consider if you are in a hopeless marriage and you do meet your soulmate like the woman did in the story. In this case, the timing for finding her true love is out of balance and by the time she gets divorced her opportunity evaporated. So this booty call gone crazy might have ruined your life in more ways than one.

In the story, should these "friends" have given up so easly or was the relationship they shared just an emotional outlet for their pathetic lives and not love at all? If these "friends" cannot be lovers then is love even possible? Also, how do you cross the sexual barrier once the friendship is established?